all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
