God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
