bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
