I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
