i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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