remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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