I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
