I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
