i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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