all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
