The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
