i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
