I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
