I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
then he tried to convert me to islam
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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