Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
