he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I didn't notice because vodka
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
