I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
