i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
