his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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