Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
