I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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