you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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