I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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