I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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