Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
