Don't make out with my wife yet
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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