Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
