Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
