Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Randomize
