Please, let me fuck your mom
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
