how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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