Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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