Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Randomize
