i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
