when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
