i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
