so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
