Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
