You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
