i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
