i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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