You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
