He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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