Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
