I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
