New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I lost the right to judge tonight
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
