We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
