you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
