i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
