i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
