so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
