And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
