I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
