Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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