saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
