You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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