Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
